Are you looking for funny fathers day quotes? then you are at the right place. We have come up with a handpicked collection of funny fathers day quotes images and happy fathers day images.
“I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.” — Kevin Hart
“The most ridiculous thing I have heard myself say is, ‘Do you want your pop-pop, your banky, or your baba?’ Translation: ‘Do you want your pacifier, your blanket or your bottle?’”— Taye Diggs
“When you first get them…you’re all excited, and you’re ready to do all these things. Then you realize it’s like getting a new cell phone where all the features don’t work yet. It’s like a phone [that] won’t take pictures, and you’re like ‘Why won’t my phone take pictures?!’ And it won’t make calls, and it doesn’t do a lot. But it looks really cute!”— Ashton Kutcher
“Having a 2-year-old is like having a blender without a lid.“ – Jerry Seinfeld
“It is so embarrassing how I went from a person who did not care about anyone’s children. Then you have them, and you brag about the same stuff that you never cared about. And you tell people, he’s got four teeth like they care.” —Seth Meyers
“Never underestimate kids’ tenacity. Raising a child is like wrestling a small but relentless opponent.” — Stephen Colbert
“The first one, I almost became a doula. I was reading every book. I was ready. This one I haven’t done anything. I’m like, ‘Well, we didn’t break the first one.’” – Ashton Kutcher
“You have to be adaptable because they consistently keep changing. They’ll do something that blows your mind and then they’ll spit all their food on the carpet.” – Neil Patrick Harris
“Being a dad isn’t just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word hero.”- Ryan Reynolds
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.” -Conan O’Brien
“I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps.”-Jimmy Kimmel
“Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you’re 12, but every day.”- Mike Myers
“The nature of impending fatherhood is that you are doing something that you’re unqualified to do, and then you become qualified while doing it.” –John Green
“You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.” -Jim Gaffigan
“I would say that the hardest thing about being a parent is these goddamned kids.” -Andy Richter
“You don’t need drugs when you have a [baby]. You’re awake, you’re paranoid, you smell bad… it’s the same thing.” -Robin Williams
“For fatherhood advice, try to look your child in the eye… get to know their name; that becomes important when you want something. And remember to feed them. That’s about all you need.” -Will Ferrell
“Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.” -Ed Asner
“If you’re not yelling at your kids, you aren’t spending enough time with them.” -Mark Ruffalo
“Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets.” -Greg Kinnear
“Everybody takes daddy for granted. Just listen to the radio: Everything’s momma. What’s the dad song? ‘Papa Was a Rolling Stone.’” – Chris Rock
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons
“Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.” – Martin Mull
“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” —Jerry Seinfeld
“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” —DAVE ATTELL
“I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” —Rita Rudner
“My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” —Bob Odenkirk
“Even though I’m proud my dad invented the rear-view mirror, we’re not as close as we appear.” —Stewart Francis
“Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.” —Jimmy Fallon
“Me and my dad used to play tag. He’d drive.” —Rodney Dangerfield
“We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.’” —Erma Bumbeck
“The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children.” —Clarence Darrow
“Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.” —Dave Barry
“I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say, ‘Yeah? When?’” —Bill Hicks
“Men should always change diapers. It’s a very rewarding experience. It’s mentally cleansing. It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.” —Chris Martin
“I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day. If it was socially acceptable, I’d be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and like a cage across his face mask.” —Will Arnett
“When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.’” —Jerry Lewis
“Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken and there’s a lot of throwing up.” —Ray Romano
“Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.” —Jim Gaffigan
We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.’ – Erma Bombeck
“Four-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions. Four-year-old: Why?” —James Breakwell
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” —Mark Twain
“Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets.” —John Kinnear
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” —JON STEWART
I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.
George W. Bush
I have always had the feeling I could do anything and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong. Ann Richards
We never know the love of a parent until we become parents ourselves. Henry Ward Beecher
A father’s words are like a thermostat that sets the temperature in the house. Paul Lewis
Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. Martin Mull
A man knows he is growing old because he begins to look like his father. Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. Robert Orben
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at-bat. Then, fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. Jimmy Piersall
You can’t spell “parentry” without “try.” Of course, you’ll make a few mistakes. The important thing is that the mistakes you make with your kids are the same ones your parents made with you. At least you know how those turn out. Stephen Colbert
It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t. Barbara Kingsolver
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. Jack Handy
The quality of a father can be seen in the goals, dreams, and aspirations he sets not only for himself but for his family. Reed Markham
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo. -Bob Monkhouse
Hope you enjoyed these awesome funny fathers day quotes. Please Don’t forget to share funny fathers day quotes images to your dad and you might want to check out our list of happy fathers day poems as well.
