Are you looking for funny quotes about christmas? then you are at the right place. We have come up with a handpicked collection of funny quotes christmas and christmas messages for boyfriend.
“Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?” – Tom Armstrong
“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” – Author Unknown
“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” – By Jay Leno
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.” – Bernard Manning
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” – Kin Hubbard
People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks? -Author Unknown
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day – the birth of Santa?” – Bart Simpson
“Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?” – Arlo Guthrie
“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Author Unknown
“Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.” – Kin Hubbard
“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” – Joan Rivers
“You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.” – Robert Paul
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple
“Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.” – By Tom Sims
Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. – Larry Wilde
“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” – Bob Phillips
“You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.’ – Robert Paul
“Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.” – Author Unknown
I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin. – Winston Spear
Robert Godden funny Christmas quote “At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional”
“At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.” – Robert Godden
This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones. – Guy Endore Kaiser
My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in. – Leslie ‘Les’ Dawson, Jr.
The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: ‘Some assembly required.’- John Leo
Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. – Kin Hubbard
“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘toys not included.'”
“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘toys not included.’” – Bernard Manning
What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present. – Don Marquis
I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough. – Bridger Winegar
Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name. – Erma Bombeck
I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange. – Henny Youngman
That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. – Jerry Seinfeld
Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal. – Lenore Hershey
Larry Wilde Christmas Tree quote “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall”
“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde
For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway! – Anne Bristow
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. – Shirley Temple
Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa? – Matt Groening
Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer. – Catherine Tate
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking? – Arlo Guthrie
Ellen Degeneres funny Christmas quote “Nothing says holiday like a cheese log”
“Nothing says holiday like a cheese log.” – Ellen DeGeneres
Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. – Richard Lamm
Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music. – Tom Sims
The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. – Joan Rivers
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas”
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“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” – Johnny Carson
Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts.
I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping. – Steven Wright
Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… or, as you like to call it, delicatessen. – Sean Hughes
“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” – Erma Bombeck
Christmas, here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up. – Wendy Cope
Although it is pleasant to think about poison at any season, there is something special about Christmas, and I found myself grinning. – Alan Bradley
Dear Santa, When you get here, could you please throw a quick load in the washer, vacuum the carpets and wash your cookie plate? Thanks!/blockquote>
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