Are you looking for quotes about coffee funny? then you are at the right place. We have come up with a handpicked collection of coffee funny quotes and funny being single quotes.
“May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.”-Anonymous
“Three cups of coffee a day keeps the doctor away!”-Anonymous
“Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.”-Earl Wilson
“A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.”-Alfred Renyi
“Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.”-Barista Life
“Coffee helps me maintain my ‘never killed anyone streak.’”-Anonymous
“I put coffee in my coffee.”-Anonymous
“The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.”-Anonymous
”I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.”-Lewis Black
”If you are not coffee, chocolate or bacon, I’m going to need you to go away.”-Anonymous
“When my blood runs black as the moonless night, and my heartbeat sounds as the Warriors march, only then may you say, I’ve had enough coffee.”-Anonymous
“You should know that before 10 am, no matter what the question is, my answer is always coffee.”-Anonymous
“Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee…it’s called sleeping.”-Anonymous
“It’s strange how drinking cups of water seems impossible but 8 cups of coffee go down like a chubby kid on a see-saw.”-Anonymous
“Life without coffee is like something without something…sorry, I haven’t had any coffee yet.”-Anonymous
“I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.”-Jac Vanek
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”-Abraham Lincoln
“Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?”-Jean Kerr
“Without coffee, nothing gets written. Period.”-Nancy Kress
“My coffee machine is the most beautiful person in the world to me.”-Anonymous
“Sometimes I stay up so late that I have my morning coffee before I go to bed.”-Anonymous
“Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee.”-Anonymous
“7 days without coffee makes one WEAK.-Anonymous
“I’m going to start measuring the complexity of coding tasks in coffee cups. This was a five-espresso algorithm.”-Anonymous
“Doctors found traces of blood in my coffee stream.”-Anonymous
“I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.”-Anonymous
“SYS Not Found: User startup disabled.”-Anonymous
“Drink coffee and pretend to know what you’re doing.”-Anonymous
“My birthstone is a coffee bean.”-Anonymous
“I’m holding a cup of coffee, so yeah, I’m pretty busy.”-Anonymous
“Coffee, because adulting is hard.”-Anonymous
“Coffee owns me, and I’m fine with that.”-Anonymous
“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”-Cassandra Clare
“Some of the world’s most effective thoughts happen over a brew of morning’s coffee”
“Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.”-David Letterman
“I would rather suffer from coffee than be senseless.”-Napoleon Bonaparte
“Coffee is a language in itself”-Jackie Chan
“I was taken by the power that savoring a simple cup of coffee can have to connect people and create community.”-Howard Schultz
“People don’t stop eating, and they don’t stop drinking coffee.”-Magic Johnson
“When traveling with someone, take large dose of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.”-Helen Hayes
“Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.”-Stephanie Piro
“Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better.”-Justina Chen
“It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.”-Donna A. Favors
“The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.”-James Mackintosh
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”-Abraham Lincoln
“I could smell myself awake with that coffee.”-Jaesse Tyler
“Coffee first. Schemes later.”-Leanna Renee Hieber
“The second cup of coffee is never as good as the first.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.”-Fran Drescher
“I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.”-Carly Simon
“I can’t imagine a day without coffee. I can’t imagine!”-Howard Schultz
“The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.”-Oliver Wendell Holmes
“Coffee is good for talent, but genius wants prayer.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson
some days, the supply of curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
first coffee. then on to todays episode of “what the f#ck?”
ancient proverb: it is better to be full of coffee than full of poop, and if you are full of coffee, you will never be full of poop.
friday goals: drink coffee and look busy until the weekend gets here.
i’ve made it from the bed to the coffee maker. there’s no stopping me now.
i used to think drinking a whole pot of coffee by yourself meant you have a problem. now, i know it’s called “getting started.”
coffee the stabbing, slapping, punching, kicking, cussing inhibitor so you don’t go to jail medicine.
some days, i just drink my coffee straight from the pot, don’t judge. we all do whatever it takes to stay out of prison.
my mind is like an internet browser. at least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen and i have n0 clue where the music is coming from.
my tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. i used t0 have some immunity built up, but obviously there is a new strain out there.
come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today.
once i’ve had my coffee, i can use my big words. before coffee, i mostly use the ones with four letters.
without coffee. i’m just going to put an “out of order” sticker on my head and call it a day.
at this point i don’t know if coffee is a hobby or a survival instinct.
life status: currently holding it together with one pot of coffee.
“Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.”Thomas Jefferson
“If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.”-Mae West
“Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.”-Edward Abbey
“Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.”-Terry Pratchett
“Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”-Anne Morrow Lindbergh
“Coffee is the common man’s gold, and like gold, it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility.”-Sheik-Abd-al-Kadir
“lack coffee must be strong and very hot; if strong coffee does not agree with you, do not drink black coffee. And if you do not drink black coffee, do not drink any coffee at all.”-Andre Simon
“Coffee was a food in that house, not a drink.”-Patricia Hampl
“A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray.”-Marcia Carrington
“No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils.”-Henry Ward Beecher
“Coffee in England always tastes like a chemistry experiment.”-Agatha Christie
“I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.”-Lewis Black
“I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.”-Terri Guillemets
“The coffee was so strong it snarled as it lurched out of the pot.”-Betty MacDonald
“Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of goat.”-Johann Sebastian Bach
“Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.”-Alphonse Allais
“Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.”-David Lynch
“I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee.”-Clark Gable
“I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume.”-John William Van Druten
“Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.”-Earl Wilson
“No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for Before Coffee.”-Cherise Sinclair
“I don’t see the point in caffeine without coffee. Or coffee without caffeine, for that matter.”-Robyn Schneider
“Given enough coffee I could rule the world.”-Terry Pratchett
“There’s nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee.”-Rian Aditia
“It turned out people truly did cry into their coffee cups.”-Jodi Picoult
“The coffee is prepared in such a way that it makes those who drink it witty: at least there is not a single soul who, on quitting the house, does not believe himself four times wittier that when he entered it.”-Charles de Secondat Montesquieu
“Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.”-Jonathan Swift
“Coffee is the best medicine.” – Anonymous
“But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all. New York has great water for coffee.” – David Lynch
“To me, the smell of fresh–made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.”- Hugh Jackman
“It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.” – Donna A. Favors
“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” – S. Eliot
“May your coffee kick in before reality does.” – Anonymous
“Humanity runs on coffee.” – Anonymous
“I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee.” – Burt Lancaster
“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.” – Steven Wright
“Kids are meeting in coffee shops and basements figuring out what’s unsustainable in their communities. That’s the future.” – Ian Somerhalder
“When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee.” – Anonymous
“No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness.” – Sheik Abd-al-Kadir
”You can’t have a decent food culture without a decent coffee culture: the two things grow up together.” – Adam Gopnik
“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“Coffeeology: Espresso yourself. So many blends, so little time. Take life one sip at a time, and stay grounded. Better latte than never. Take time to smell the cover.” – Anonymous
“Life happens, coffee helps.” – Anonymous
“A bad day with coffee is better than a good day without it.” – Anonymous
“I don’t know how people live without coffee, I really don’t.” – Martha Quinn
“People say money can’t buy happiness. They lie. Money buys coffee, coffee makes me happy!” – Anonymous
“The road to success is paved in coffee.” — Anonymous
“There is no life without water. Because water is needed to make coffee.” — Anonymous
“Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.” – Anonymous
“I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.” ― Louisa May Alcott
“It doesn’t matter where you’re from – or how you feel… There’s always peace in a strong cup of coffee.” ― Gabriel Bá
“Life is too short to drink bad coffee.” – Anonymous
“Stressed, blessed, and coffee obsessed.” – Anonymous
“Today’s good mood is sponsored by coffee.” – Anonymous
“Caffeine- It maintains my sunny personality.” – Anonymous
“Listen, before I had my coffee, I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today, either.” – Anonymous
“Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death and sweet as love.” – Turkish proverb
“Coffee with a friend is like capturing happiness in a cup.” – Anonymous
“Love is in the air, and it smells like coffee.” – Anonymous
“Coffee is a hug in a mug.” – Anonymous
“Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.” — Charles Maurice de Talleyrand
“Forever: Time it takes to brew the first pot of coffee in the morning.” — Anonymous
“There’s nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee.” – Rian Aditia
“Friends bring happiness into your life. Best friends bring coffee.” – Anonymous
“Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Whatever it is that makes you happy.” – Rita Moreno
“Coffee connects us in so many ways – to each other, to our senses, and to the earth that supports the coffee trees.” – Rohan Marley
“Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with.” — Terri Guillemets
“Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.” – Jessi Lane Adams
“Black as night, sweet as sin.” – Neil Gaiman
“You’re brew-tiful.” – Anonymous
“I can’t espresso how much you bean to me.” – Anonymous
“My blood type is coffee.” – Anonymous
I love you a latte.” – Anonymous
“Follow your heart but take coffee with you.” – Anonymous
“I can’t stop drinking the coffee. I stop drinking the coffee, I stop doing the standing, and the walking, and the words-putting-into-sentences doing.” – Anonymous
“It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity”. – Dave Barry
“I love how coffee fixes everything. Tired? Drink some coffee, headache? Drink coffee, cold? Drink coffee, someone makes you angry? But them in the head with the cup!”
“I think the key to the start of any good relationship is to remember how the other person likes their coffee.” – Anonymous
“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons”. – T.S.Eliot
“Coffee with a friend is like capturing happiness in a cup”. – Anonymous
“It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee”. – Donna A. Favors
“Depresso: The feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee. – Anonymous
Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better”. – Justina Chen
“All you need is love and more coffee”. – Anonymous
“What on earth could be more luxurious than a sofa, a book, and a cup of coffee”. – Anthony Trollope
“Coffee isn’t a drug, it’s a vitamin”. – Anonymous
“Everybody should believe in something. I believe I’ll have another coffee.” – Anonymous
“Just coffee. Black – like my soul.” – Cassandra Clare
“Coffee – it’s the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions! – Mike Ditka
“You can’t buy happiness but you can buy coffee and that’s pretty close”. – Anonymous
“I don’t know how people live without coffee, I really don’t”. – Martha Quinn
“Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven”. – Jesse Lane Adams
“I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee”. – Flash Rosenberg
“To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions”. – Hugh Jackman
“What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup”. – Henry Rollins
“Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised”. – Star Trek: Voyager
“Coffee keeps me going until it’s time for wine”. – Anonymous
“Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis – a good hot cup of coffee”. – Alexander King
“Coffee is the best medicine”. – Anonymous
“This house runs on love, laughter and a whole lot of coffee”. – Anonymous
“Life is too short for bad coffee”. – Anonymous
“If it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever”. – David Letterman
“Which of these coffee quotes is your favorite? Don’t forget to share your picks on social media!” – Anonymous
“What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.” -Henry Rollins
“Chocolate and coffee? Together? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader’s Digest.” -Darynda Jones
“I poured a compass into my coffee, to give the flavor some direction.” -Jarod Kintz
“Free yourself from the slavery of tea and coffee and other slop kettles!” -William Cobbett
“If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup.” -Norm Crosby
“I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.” -Flash Rosenberg
“I’ve taken up meditation. I like to have an espresso first to make it more challenging.” -Betsy Salkind
“Coffee has two virtues: it is wet and warm.” -Dutch Proverb
“When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas…” -Emo Philips
“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” -T. S. Eliot
“Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister.” -Bob Irwin
“It must be slow, for I have been drinking it for sixty-five years and I am not yet dead.” -Voltaire
“Coffee: creative lighter fluid.” -Floyd Maxwell
“Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon.” -Jilly Cooper
“These angry zombies were rushing to work, and their eyes flashed fair warning: Don’t mess with us. We haven’t had our coffee.” -Joan Frank
“No matter how much strong coffee we drink, almost any after dinner speech will counteract it.” -Kin Hubbard
“Why do they always put mud into coffee on board steamers? Why does the tea generally taste of boiled boots?” -William Makepeace Thackeray
“There isn’t enough coffee in the United States to keep everyone awake during a Presidential election campaign.” -Donald W. Brown
“There are various theories as to what characteristics, what combination of traits, what qualities in our men won [World War II]… but, speaking from my own observation of our armed forces, I should say the war was won on coffee.” -Ilka Chase
“Almost all my middle-aged and elderly acquaintances, including me, feel about 25, unless we haven’t had our coffee, in which case we feel 107.” -Martha Beck
“I began wearing hats as a young lawyer because it helped me to establish my professional identity. Before that, whenever I was at a meeting, someone would ask me to get coffee.” -Bella Abzug
“Coffee, (which makes the politician wise, / And see thro’ all things with his half-shut eyes).” -Alexander Pope
“What would life be without coffee? But then, what is it even with coffee?” -King Louis XV
“They said I could be anything, so I decided to be caffeinated!” Lizzie Chantree
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