Are you looking for funny men quotes? then you are at the right place. We have come up with a handpicked collection of funny men quotes saying and coffee funny quotes and Don’t forget to read funny minions memes.
Men: Believe in ‘tough love’, until it comes to cutting onions.
Men: Will never ask for directions, but will always give them.
Men: The only creatures who can make a -minute task last for hours.
Men: Masters of the art of procrastination.
Women always worry about things that men forget; men always worry about things women remember. – Albert Einstein
Men are like a pair of high heel shoes you wear them use them and throw them away for a new pair.
The way to man’s heart is through an incision.
There are three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: “Hold my purse.”
When God created man she was only joking.
A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run – Sit still and ignore him and he’ll come purring at your feet. – Helen Rowland
There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked. – Jerry Seinfeld
Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV. – Jerry Seinfeld
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass. – Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. – Rodney Dangerfield
I don’t think women are better than men, but I do think that men are worse than women. – Louis C.K
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin. – Dave Barry
I’m a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time? – Will Smith
Men are like Bluetooth connection, when you are beside them, they stay connected but when you are away, they search for new devices.
Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract!
I like my men like I like my coffee. Tied up in a burlap bag and dragged through mountains.
You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!! – Bill Maher
Things you’ll never hear a man say…
Husbands are like fine wine. They take time to mature. – Letters to Juliet, the movie.
A women needs a man like fish need a bicycle.
A man is always ready to go, it’s a women that says whether yes or no!
While creating men, God promised women that a good and ideal man would be found in all corners of the world, then He made the earth round.
Men…. I don’t get them, they spend 9 months of their life waiting to come out and the rest of their life trying to get in.
Men are like trees, they take forever to grow up.
We can train a monkey to fly a jet but we can’t train a man to be humble.
Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicapped.
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus; ex’s are from Uranus.
He suffers from delusions of grandeur; nevertheless he is truly grand! – Boghos L. Artinian
Men are like commercials, you can’t believe a word they say.
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. – Rita Rudner
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. – Rita Rudner
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women. – Groucho Marx
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
– Groucho Marx
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
– George Carlin
Men don’t take direction very well. But eventually when they realize the direction was correct they take all the credit.
Q: Why is it so hard to find a man that’s caring, considerate, and nice?
A: Because he already has a boyfriend.
Behind every successful man there’s a woman, behind every unsuccessful man there are several women.9
Men are like blenders. You know you need one, but you’re not sure why.
If women belong in the kitchen, shouldn’t men belong in the garage with all the other tools?! (- :
Don’t expect a woman that has no money to think negative And never expect a man loaded with cash to think positive.
They all say they’re different but really they’re all just the same – boys.
When a woman wants a man’s opinion… She gives it to him.
A husband is someone who after taking the trash out gives the impression he’s cleaned the whole house!
A man can never be careful until he buys a new car and a white shirt.
Always remember:
When SHE cancels a date, it is because..
“She has to.”
But
When HE cancels a date, it is because..
“He has two.”
If at first you don’t succeed then you are probably a man.
Men are like commercials, you can’t believe a word they say.
Men are like buses… if you miss one another one will be coming in minutes.
What do men and clouds have in common???….. When both are not around it’s a nice day!
Men would rather buy you a drink than give you the hard cash to go help yourself.
One day a man asked a genie to make him smarter than any other man on earth. The genie turned him into a woman.
Men are like bank accounts, without money they don’t generate a lot of interest.
A man – if he has all the good qualities of a MAN can be considered as one of THE WONDERS OF THE WORLD…
Menopause, menstrual cramps, mental illness, mental breakdowns…ever notice that all of your problems begin with men?
If they can send man to the moon why can’t they send them all?
Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, every Saturday he and his friends will load up beer and go fishing.
Don’t trust a man who offers you the moon and the stars… Cause God knows his arms can’t reach that far.
Always go for a beautiful, intelligent & loving boy. But make sure the three boys don’t meet each other.
The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys!
If you want to give a guy a compliment, just tell them that they are good at video games.
He’s a good man – he doesn’t flirt, drink, smoke or gamble and his children are adopted.
The ideal man goes home early, doesn’t flirt, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t gamble and doesn’t exist.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
There are three types of men in the world.
Men that are dominated by women and know it.
Men that are dominated by women and don’t know it.
And bachelors!!
Men only have two faults, everything they say and everything they do.
Most men think monogamy is what dining room tables are made of.
If not for women we won’t know sin. If not for eve, adam will still be on point.
Women would rather be beautiful than smart only because men can see way better than they can think.
There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy…l ike nailing jelly to a tree for example.
There are two kind of men who don’t understand women: singles and husbands.
Wise woman always support there husbands career, they know there investing in a higher- future- alimony.
Having more than one wife is bigamy, having more than one husband is insanity!
They say, “Early to bed, early to rise makes a Man healty, wealthy and wise”, Well I’m not too sure if its entirely true, because I have never seen a healthy, wealthy and wise man.
The only difference between men and boys are the size of their shoes and the price of their toys.
It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends with the same boss.
God made men because every good thing needs a blue print.
Men are the head of the family , Women are the neck ,they can turn the head wherever they please.
One thing all men need to know: It’s cheaper to keep her.
When you see a homeless man, feel no pity. He should have listened to his wife.
Little girls grow up to be ladies…Little boys grow up to be big boys9
What do men and clouds have in common???… When both are not around its a nice day!
MEN ARE LIKE BUSES… IF YOU MISS ONE ANOTHER ONE WILL BE COMING IN MINUTES.
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Coffee, Chocolate, Men. The richer the better!
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare. – Rene Descartes
Chocolate, men, coffee – some things are better rich.
Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason
I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. – Lana Turner
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work or prison. – Tim Allen
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
A genius is a man who can rewrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over.
– Dino Levi
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. – Gloria Steinem
To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’. – Rita Rudner
Women don’t make fools of men most of them are the “do- it- yourself” types.
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. – Erica Jong
A gentleman is simply a patient wolf. – Lana Turner
Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman. – Maryon Pearson
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. – Elayne Boosler
Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.9
Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. – Tim Allen
If you never want to see a man again, say, ‘I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children…’ – they leave skid marks.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.– Rita Rudner
Hope you like these awesome funny men quotes. Please Don’t forget to share funny men quotes images to your Friends and family member and you might want to check out our list of funny minions quotes as well.
