Are you looking for humorous christmas quotes? then you are at the right place. We have come up with a handpicked collection of humorous christmas quotes sayings and christian christmas quotes for cards.
“Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.” – W. C. Fields
“Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.”
One should learn from Santa in life He has the right idea and manners No actually, he is so very kind He just visits everyone once a year That too with happiness and no fear A perfect surprise for Christmas my dear Happiest Christmas surprise with cheer!
“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson
“Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won’t make it “white”.’ – Bing Crosby
Once again we will get excited With season’s choicest delights And more excited about the Christmas lights With shopping at heavy discounts Finding the right price Once again we will celebrate the Christmas night, Merry Christmas!
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” – Johnny Carson
I think I will be the Santa this year Every year I ask for many things And end up getting nothing in my list So I will sneak out of my room And make my Christmas memorable Enough for me too It’s the Christmas fun so lovely too Merry Christmas to you!
“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” – Bob Phillips
Christmas is just like doing Work in your office, think about it You are doing all the work Day in and day out And credit is taken by some fat guy around As Santa takes the credit of Christmas fun Haha.. Wish you a Merry Christmas!
“Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer.” – By Catherine Tate
One fat man will come to you Ring the bell of your door too He would quietly put you in a bag And bring you to me Christmas Because I have told Santa That I want you as my Christmas gift So don’t you panic on this!
“I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.” – Henny Youngman
Santa I am taking up your role Because I like that sledge on the snow I will give all the gifts as you I will spread the happiness along You have grown so old now And I know I am much strong Wishing a Merry Christmas to you!
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.” – By Victor Borge
I do not actually ask things from Santa Just the random things he may give But this year I am asking for a slimmer me And a bank account to compliment me Last year it happened just the opposite And there was nothing I could do about Merry Christmas to you!
“There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.” – Robert Lynd
All the party people All the fun in your heart Christmas is about to come So let us make a welcome start With all the list prepared With all the tasks up there Wishing you a Merry Christmas!
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’ – Dave Barry
People do not really love the mess created In their homes day a night But one mess they just love to create And that is when one decorates the Christmas tree in the night A time with so much radiance A time that is so much fun Merry Christmas!
Funny Christmas Quotes and Sayings
“I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.” – Fred Rogers
“Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period.” – Fanny Wright
“My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” – Melanie White
“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor
“Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.” – Frank McKinney Hubbard
“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
“Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.” – Erma Bombeck
“At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.” – Robert Godden
Funny Christmas Sayings About Parenting at Christmas
“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” – Bob Phillips
“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” – Andy Rooney
“The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: ‘Some assembly required.’” – John Leo
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” – Kin Hubbard
“Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.” – Stephen Fry
“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘toys not included.’” – Bernard Manning
funny christmas messages for cards
merry christmas wishes quotes for your friends
“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar
“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson
“There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?” – Conan O’Brien
“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” – Dave Barry
“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” – Henny Youngman
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